I am very thankful.
Two things, though.
1. I'm not at home. I'm reminded of that oh-so-often. It's not just that dull ache that sits around, reminding me that I miss my friends and family. It's not only the fact that I don't see front yards wherever I go. It's not only the fact that a different language is spoken here. Here's what has hit me more recently: the birds. As spring arrives, so do the birds and their songs. This is definitely a welcome addition to my life. However, I don't recognize these birds. It's like another whisper of "This is not your home." They're not robins. I actually rarely see them, but I do hear them. They sound lovely, but they're not "my" spring birds.
I was thinking about this the other day, and it occurred to me how much this year is capable of showing me what it should sort of be like for us as Christians living in this world. We state that "this world is not our home" and that when someone dies, they are "going home." Now, I don't plan on dying to get myself home this time. I'd prefer to be alive when I get to see that "Welcome to Canada" sign. However, I've never really understand that "not my home" part. Now I think I'm beginning to grasp the concept.
2. This year I've been working through what I have dubbed "identity crises," "quarter-life crises" and the like. I don't know if those are fair names, but they seem like it to me, so that is what I'm sticking with. They bubble up mostly at the times when I feel the least capable of communicating in French. When I have those times of doubt, my head panics and I begin wondering if it's actually possible for me to teach French. I know that I can teach things, I know that I have the correct knowledge of French to pass on to students, but I don't know how to communicate that knowledge.
It's an odd situation for me to be in. I've always been the annoying one who knew what I wanted to do in life. Now I'm questioning it. Not completely. I still want to teach. It's just that the closer I get to the reality of it all, the more scary it seems. I keep reminding myself of how much I enjoyed my placement last year. It also makes me ask a question. I know that God works through our weaknesses. However, this question arises: where is the line between simply a weakness that God can use and going down the wrong career path? And how do you know the difference?
Just some thoughts that have been wandering around in my head as of late.
On a somewhat of a side-note, thanks to the time change that many of you have recently experienced, we (Ontario and France) are now only 5 hours apart instead of 6 for the next 2 weeks. We switch on the 27th.
Blessings on your week.
~Lynette
2 comments:
"Look at the birds. They do not toil or spin and yet the Lord takes care of them." Yes, it's a trust thing. God has a way of making the next steps clear. Weakness or wrong way? Can't answer that, except to say that God has a way of using you, when you give yourself over to him. Remember, you are worth more than many sparrows, even if they are English sparrows that sing in French :) Asking the questions is part of listening to God. Keep becoming, and he will keep leading, sometimes one step at a time.
Luv ya lots,
Dad
Man, your dad is smart....and wise...and sometimes funny :) It's so true, though. Sometimes the step involves not so much which way you take, but the trust that's needed to take the step in the first place. The actual decision is secondary to the process. no matter what, if you walk by faith, God will be with you.
Again, really enjoy reading your posts! Talk to you soon!!
Trish
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